Lies Without Consequence
by Cordys-Vision
Summary: She leaned against the wall, trying to gather herself. The room was spinning; she couldn’t believe what had just happened. ‘I hope you’re happy Lily Evans…’ those six words were reverberating around in her brain. ‘I hope you’re happy Lily Evans.’
1. Love and Lies

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or the characters in my story. J.K. Rowling does.

I do, however, own the plot...and that is it.

A/N: Okay, So…this chapters a bit short…but they get longer as I go along. This is my first fanfiction that I'm actually quite proud of. . So please be nice. I appreciate constructive criticism . I stress the word constructive. No flamers please. I'd like to get some reviews before I post the next chapter so…please review .

Love Candy

He was hiding something from her, and she knew it. He was a really bad liar and Lily could tell by the way all the marauders avoided her glances that they all knew something, which she clearly didn't. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, willing herself to let it go, but something in her brain just wouldn't let her. She had to save him. However cliché it sounded – or was – she needed to save him. She ran a hand through her hair. It was starting to get tangled and knotted from all the times she'd run her hand through it that day. It was a nervous habit; you could always tell when she was stressed, because her hair would look un-brushed.

"James," she half-whispered, opening her eyes. "I know something's not right, and it's not okay for you to not tell me. I know that you just want to protect me, but I'm not a little girl. I can protect myself just as well as the next person." He looked at her and she could read in his eyes that he wanted, almost needed, to tell her, but instead he just shook his head and sighed

"Lily…" he sighed heavily, standing up. "I tell you absolutely everything. If there was something going on, you'd be the first to know. I promise." He grabbed her hands and squeezed them softly, "Everything's alright. Do you trust me?"

Did she trust him? Of course she trusted him. More than anything else in the world, he was the only thing she did trust most days, but something about that look in his eyes told her she shouldn't. She glanced around at the marauders. Sirius was idly playing with his wand so he could avoid looking at her. Remus had his nose in a book, which was not uncharacteristic of him, but today it was rather annoying to her. Peter stared avidly at the pair of them, wondering what would happen next.

There was no point in arguing any further, she wasn't getting anything out of him or his friends tonight. She nodded.

"I trust you," she let out in one breath. James' face spread into a smile.

"That's my girl. I love you," he said quickly, brushing his lips against her cheek.

"I love you too," she whispered softly. She looked up at him, one of her hands reaching up to rest on his cheek. She caressed his cheek with her hand, running it down his face. His skin felt rough against her own, and he looked so tired…She wanted to hold him and let him sleep.

The bags and dark circles under his eyes scared her more than anything. He wasn't sleeping, and not sleeping is a result of a guilty conscience. But what did he have to feel guilty about? Why wouldn't he just let her in? As she let her hand trail down his face he became suspicious, placing a hand over hers to stop its movement.

He said with a small smirk, "What are you doing?"

She looked at him for a long moment and then said, without thinking, "Memorizing your face."

James raised a brow, "You think you might not see it for awhile?" he asked, a bit condescendingly.

She shrugged. "I don't know what to think." She leaned up and kissed his cheek. "See you in the morning." She turned and traipsed up the stairs without a second glance towards him; she was slightly afraid of what she might see if she did.


	2. The Secrets

Disclaimer: I do not own anything but the plot of this story. J.K. Rowling owns everything else. I make no profit of this.

A/N: Okay. Another short chapter. Sorry. I promise they'll get longer. Thanks for the reviews, they made me oh so very happy. And I hope you enjoy this next chapter. . Again, I'm totally open to constructive criticism, but flamers will drive me crazy. . Enjoy. -Candy

"Hey! What the hell—" Sirius Black bellowed as Lily shoved him into the empty classroom on the fourth floor.

"Shut up Sirius! Someone will hear you!" Sirius made a scoffing noise

"What, like that would be BAD? You just kidnapped me from my potions class! Which, by the way, I've already missed 3 of…and after which I was going to speak with Romaine Blakewood." He grinned to himself "Man, I love it when she walks."

Lily rolled her eyes, "You'll be back in plenty of time to speak with Romaine Blackwood. This is important." Sirius pulled a cigarette out of his pocket, popped into his mouth, flicked on his lighter and lit it. He took a drag, and then looked up at her.

"What does bring Sweet Lily almost-a-B-cup Evans to ditch class and ambush me into a room?" He put the cigarette back up to his lips and she crossed her arms over her chest, slightly embarrassed by his comment, but more annoyed with his laid-back attitude.

"I know you know what's wrong with James and I want to know what it is." she said simply, coolly, careful to revoke all emotion from her voice. Sirius leaned up against the table, the cigarette still resting in his mouth and grinned.

"James is fine. Isn't that what he's been telling you?" She rolled her eyes.

Of course he's been telling me that, why the hell do you think I'm asking you?" Sirius threw his head back and laughed, his shaggy hair cascading down his shoulders.

"Oh, Lily, Lily, Lily." He shook his head, "It's not my place to tell!" She bit her lip.

"But you know? I mean…he's told you?" she swallowed hard, she was afraid of this part. Sirius nodded

"Yup. It's a 'best friend' thing, I guess…." He took another drag of his cigarette and then blew some smoke straight up into the air, as if waiting for it to make a pretty design. Then he dropped it and smashed it with his foot. "Now can I go back to class or are you keeping me here hostage?" He raised a brow at her but she didn't say anything. He started to make his way to the door and she, quite unexpectedly started crying.

"Sirius...wait," she called out, her voice almost breaking as she did. He stopped at the door, and slowly turned around. She turned her back to him, refusing to let him see her cry. She sniffed.

"Sirius, I…I don't know what to do. He's so out of it all of the time...I…He's not James anymore, and I don't know how much more of this I can take. I just want to fix him, so we could be better again, but he won't let me in. I just…" she closed her eyes. "I just want us to be okay again." She turned back to face him, her face more than tear-stained. "And it wouldn't be so important to me…its just…" she looked down and touched her stomach. "I'm late." Sirius' eyes widened and he took several steps closer to her

"Late?" he said slowly. She nodded taking a big sniff. "Oh…Christ…Lily I didn't know you two were…" He ran a hand through his hair "Um…how late are you?" She bit her lip. How much could she tell him?

"A month and a half." He put his hand over his mouth

"Oh God. Lily." He ran over and pulled her into a hug, she'd never been close enough to Sirius to actually smell him, but he smelled quite nice, like smoke and a quidditch pitch. He pulled away from her, and took her face into his hands

"Listen to me. You need anything…anything at all, I'm here for you. Okay? All you have to do is ask." She nodded.

"Thank you. Just…please don't tell anyone? Especially James…I mean, I don't even know for sure yet…and God, I figure _I_ should be the one to tell him right?" Sirius nodded.

"Of course, Lily….Of course." He kissed the top of her head and she closed her eyes, succumbing to his sympathy, "Listen to me…Everything is going to be okay. I promise you that. You don't always have to save him Lily. He has me, too. I'll take care of this." Lily nodded, leaning against him.

"Thank you, Sirius."

A/N: Okay. I know it's a bit corny, but it had to be this way for future chapters, I swear this isn't one of those fanfics that completely disregard the timeline of HP. Just trust in me. Know that this is important. Anyways. Leave reviews please! -Candy


	3. Fault

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Once again. J.K. Rowling does.**

**A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews. They are much appreciated . Okay, in this chapter you do find out what's up with James and let me just pre-warn you…its not very pretty. Oh. And I'm posting two chapters up tonight because they are both really short and I feel bad [. So you lovely people get two wonderful chapters tonight. Reviews are greatly appreciated . Constructive Criticism only.**

Sirius burst into the boys' dormitory to find James, passed out on his bed. There was a syringe in his hand and a cigarette in an ashtray directly next to him.

"Damn it, James!" he said pulling him up to sit up in his bed. "He better not throw up," he muttered to himself

"James!" he yelled in his face "Oh, come on." He muttered again, slapping his face a little

"James! James!" his eyes slowly fluttered open and he grinned "Hey, Siri..." his voice trailed off, really slurred.

"How much did you take James?" he said sitting him up straight so he wouldn't throw up. James eyes began to flutter shut again

"No! James! Its awake time! Time to stay awake…" James was so out of it, Sirius knew that he wasn't getting through to him, "Damn It James, you told me I'd never have to use this!" He pulled a tiny vile of potion from his pocket and poured a bit into James' mouth.

"Come on! Swallow!" A few minutes after James had swallowed the potion, his eyes fluttered open to stay this time.

"Oh. Sirius…man, I'm sorry…I guess I just got a little carried away." Sirius shook his head.

"James…you said you had this under control. It doesn't look very under control to me."

James sighed, "Its fine Sirius, it was an accident okay, just chill out." He picked up his cigarette collapsed onto the bed and took a drag.

"James, I feel like I got you into this…I'm going to get you out, man. This isn't you, you're losing it." James rolled his eyes.

"Turning into Lily now are you?" he snorted, throwing the cigarette aside, Sirius rushed to step on it, and then said "She's just trying to help, man; she misses you, the real you, the one who told her the truth and didn't blow her off." James sighed deeply and sat up

"Listen, I'm going to quit, I swear, I just needed one last high man, that was it. I'm done. I'll fix everything with Lily, and my schoolwork, and it'll be fine, alright? I promise." Sirius sighed and nodded.

"I better not ever have to use that potion on you again."

James grinned "Don't worry about it. You won't. I'm going to shower. I'll meet you at dinner."

Sirius watched him walk to the shower and sighed heavily. He wished he could tell him all the things he was risking if he kept going with this, but he'd only be hypocritical. When he was far into the stuff, he never let anyone tell him what to do. He had thought James could handle it, that he wouldn't turn into a junkie. But he guessed no one was strong enough to not succumb to the pull of the sweet high.

He sighed, collapsing onto the bed. James would stop, and Sirius would make sure of it.

**A/N: intense? Yeahhh. Do that review thing you do so well .**


	4. Whispers and Murmurs

A/N: okay…this chapter was really fun to write for some reason. I love writing anything with Lily I guess. This was just fun. I hope you like it. REVIEW!! Always appreciated .

Lily was glad that she'd confided in someone other than herself; she was happy that now she had someone looking out for her. But she was also scared he'd tell James. They were best friends, after all, and it hadn't been some stupid little plight of hers. It was something huge, that she admittedly would've told her best friend, in his position, even if sworn to secrecy.

She walked into the common room, completely unaware of all the eyes following her to her seat. She rummaged through her bag looking for a book, but the voices that carried over to her made her stop and listen.

"James Potter and Sirius Black! I swear it's the truth, Melinda!" Emma Warren whispered to her best friend, Melinda Drake. Lily risked a glance upward and saw the two of them sitting across from each other by the fire, Melinda wore a look of thoughtfulness.

Lily had always liked Melinda. She was sweet and not one for gossip, which is why it came as a shock to everyone that her best friend was Emma Warren, who gossiped about everything and every one and didn't care who she hurt in the process. But she was always right, so people inevitably listened to her.

"Well…it's a bit far-fetched, Em. I mean, drugs? That's so….I don't know…not like them." Melinda said. Lily's heart caught in her throat. _Drugs?_ What was she talking about? Her James? And Sirius? It didn't compute. No.

Emma made a scoffing noise, "Oh please. I dated Sirius Black for six months last year, remember?" She leaned in closer to Melinda as if for dramatic effect, "I mean, he was into the stuff then, but…not this hardcore. I hear James almost passed out in their dormitory a few nights ago. Word has it that Sirius doesn't even have it under control anymore…and that _James_ is practically a junkie."

Lily couldn't breathe; she felt as if all the air in her body had been sucked out of her with Emma's words; she didn't want to listen anymore. She couldn't hear this anymore…but she couldn't move either.

"And where are they supposedly doing all these drugs? I mean…they couldn't do them all up in the dormitory right? They'd get caught for sure." Melinda said, leaning against the arm of the chair she was sitting in. Emma shrugged.

"Room of Requirement, I suppose…" she said, and then began examining her nails as if bored with the conversation. "Oh!" she said excitedly to Melinda "Did you hear? Marlene McKinnon has started dating Remus Lupin…." But Lily drowned her out.

She couldn't believe what she'd just heard. She couldn't believe that her James – her perfect James – had been lying. Lying straight to her face, and didn't feel a moment's guilt over it. She felt as if she was going to vomit. She closed her eyes for a second and tried to breathe, but it was becoming more and more difficult and then breaking into her pool of despair and hopelessness entered a voice.

"Hey Lily." Marlene McKinnon's voice drifted into Lily's mind. "Are you alright? You look sort of…What's wrong?" Lily opened her eyes to look at Marlene, She tried to speak, but nothing was coming out. She swallowed and when she spoke her voice was hoarse.

"I…I have to go." She shot out of her seat and tripped over herself running out the portrait hole.


	5. The Truth

**A/N: Okay…this chapter was interesting to write. It took forever because I wrote it like a million different ways…but this is the one that stuck out the most. So…do that read and review thing you guys do so well and let me know what you thought….I love constructive criticism and suggestions or anything of the sort! . Oh btw! I'd like a few reviews before I post the next chapter. Please and thank you.**

Lily stared at the door in front of her. She knew James was inside, possibly with Sirius…getting _high_. Lily held her stomach and took a deep breath and pushed the door open. The scene was almost exactly how she had pictured it: James on a pouf injecting god-knows-what into his veins and Sirius on the one opposite him, smoking a cig. Lily could have been killed right then and she would've welcomed it.

"Lily?" James' voice said, but Lily wanted out. She started backing out of the room, but she was slow. Her senses were trying to catch up with her brain.

"Lily, wait!" James cried, running up to her and grabbing her wrist. She twisted and turned, but he wouldn't let go. "No, Lily! Not until you let me explain. Please." She couldn't stand to look at him; she couldn't stand to look at those piercing blue eyes, not now. Then Sirius' soft voice broke into her brain suddenly.

"Hear him out, Lily," he said softly. "You owe yourself that." But she knew what he was thinking, and why this affected him as well. He was the one playing both fields. He'd be the one picking both of them up at the end of the day, the one offering advice for the same situation twice. He wanted to avoid it. She forced herself to look at James and his perfect piercing blue eyes as he spoke.

"This was the last time, I swear. I just…I needed one more high." He closed his eyes for a minute and then looked at her "I'm stopping for _you_…I don't want to lose you." She felt like crying, but she knew she had to be strong, she couldn't let him see her break. Not now at least.

"I'm not mad at you, James. I'm not disappointed. I'm not…any of that." She closed her eyes. "I'm just hurt. Why?" She couldn't help the flow of tears that came flooding out of her eyes. "How could keep something like this from me?"

He was out of it, she could tell. He couldn't even keep his eyes focused on her. She wanted to hold him to her, and help keep him sane, help drain this drug out of him.

"Can we talk about this later…?" he asked, trying his hardest to stay focused on her. "I feel a little sick."

Lily rested her cheek against her shoulder and then whispered, "We can't talk about this later, James. There won't be a later if we don't talk about this now." She tried her best to keep back the tears that threatened to fall, but a few were spilling over.

He stared at her, waiting for her to speak He'd listen, but he wasn't going to make excuses for himself. He'd done what he'd done, and he couldn't take it back. Lily took a breath and then spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Why, James? Why?" James was taken aback by the question. He'd expected questions like 'How long?' and 'Where did you get the stuff?' But not…why.. He cracked a smile. Why was so simple.

"Because I wanted to." He let out a soft, melodic laugh. Lily closed her eyes; it was getting more and more difficult to breathe.

"Why did you want to?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady. Sirius walked over to Lily and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Lily…" he said softly, "if you ask him any questions now, you aren't going to like the answers." Lily twisted out of his grip,

"Screw you, Sirius Black! You lied to me." Sirius stared at her with big eyes

"Lily, I…" She shook her head.

"Don't you dare try and justify yourself. I trusted you. You said you'd fix this. You said I didn't have to save him. You said you would. Sirius...You're like my big brother, if I can't trust you, than who can I trust?" Sirius shook his head.

"But Lily…You're still my sister. I'd still do anything for you – for your happiness. You have to know that." Lily felt like dying, this was all too much.

"Brothers. Don't. Lie." Sirius was stung by her words more than he could even express. Lily shook her head and turned back to James. "Look, I never wanted this. I never asked for it, James. You courted me. You made me fall in love with you. Now you have me. You have me heart, body, mind and soul, and I couldn't picture my life without you…but I can't watch you do this to yourself .It's killing me just standing here now." She inhaled deeply trying to catch her breathe, "James…is it me? Why…why are you doing this?" She was desperate now. She needed to fix him, and there was no other way around it. James looked as if his world was exploding.

"Have you ever just wanted to do something completely bad? Something that you know you could get in trouble for? Some thing that can ruin everybody's image of you? I wanted to do something to get my mind off it Lily…"

Lily looked confused, she glanced at Sirius and then back to James "Get your mind off what?"

James exploded then and it scared her a little bit "Of being so bloody perfect! I can't do anything when you're around Lily! NOTHING! You suffocate me! I can't talk to people! I can't have fun with my friends! Lily I feel like I'm your pet. Or your goddamn servant!"

Lily was shaking now, these words weren't true. They couldn't be…he had freedom…He did. She let him do whatever he wanted…This had to be the drug talking. Lily couldn't do this anymore. It was too much. Far too much.

"Screw you Sirius," she whispered, "And screw you too James." She turned and left the room without a second glance back at the boys.


	6. Unbearable Pain

**A/N: sorry it took me so long to get this up! But its here now and I'll actually post chapters tonight. Yahoo! Go me!. Please leave reviewsss. I want to know you guys are reading and I am not writing in vain. . Thanks guys so much. And here you are!**

It had been a couple weeks since the encounter. Lily wasn't talking to Sirius, and she was barely talking to James. Their relationship had been put on hold for the time being. Lily avoided the common room and other general areas so that she wouldn't have to see him. The occasional dinner run-in never went well. It usually started with, "Could you pass the marmalade?" and ended with one of them getting up from the table to go cry upstairs.

She tried to avoid him as much as she possibly could, but it was very difficult seeing as he was in almost every single one of her classes. She couldn't stand the look on his face. He looked as if all the happiness in the world had been sucked out of him. He just stared blankly ahead, no light in those pale blue eyes that were once the brightest of blues.

A flying folded piece of paper hit Lily in the head, and brought her out of her James-induced stupor. She was sitting in potions, her quill poised above her half-taken notes, due to the fact that she'd started thinking about James. She glanced down at the paper that was now sitting on the edge of her desk. She picked it up, unfolded it, and in very, VERY untidy scrawl were the words

_Lily,_

_Please let me be the big brother to you that I always have been. I'm sorry for everything. Let's talk tonight, okay? 7 o'clock? Quidditch Pitch?_

_Sirius_

Lily stared at the piece of paper, and then looked around the room to find him. Her eyes fell upon the very back table. Sirius and James were attempting to hide the fact that their potion was spitting fiery flames everywhere.

Lily couldn't help but smirk. Sirius looked up almost as soon as she'd laid eyes on their table, and gave her a soft smile. Lily gave a small nod back and then slipped the note into her pocket. Marlene walked over with their potion in a vial.

"I've done almost everything…" She said softly. Lily looked up at her.

"Oh. Marlene. I'm sorry. It's just…I've been so…" Marlene smiled and shook her head.

"No, Lily. It's perfectly fine. I know you haven't been getting much sleep and stuff…Plus I used your notes." She said, flashing her another smile and taking the vial up to Professor Slughorn's desk.

Lily began packing up her things when a hoarse voice spoke her name. She swiveled around almost instantly, and dropped half the things she was holding.

"Christ. Severus…Way to scare the living hell out of me." He gave her a half smile

"Sorry." She shook her head

"No. No…it's fine. Is there something you needed?" she asked him, beginning to pack up her things again.

"I just…wondered if maybe next Hogsmeade trip…you'd want to go with me." Lily closed her bag and slung it over her shoulder.

"Severus…nothing's changed. Just because James and I are…" she closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed hard, and shook her head. "You're still friends with Mulciber and Avery….and no amount of 'I'm sorry's can take back what you said." Lily said, suddenly remembering, like a film in her head – that day by the lake, when Severus Snape, her very best friend at the time, had carelessly called her a mudblood while she'd stood up for him against her future boyfriend .

Oh god…James. It was like a cold weight had been thrown into her body. Thinking about way he was now was one thing, but thinking about the old James…the one she fell in love with…It made her heart hurt. She could feel the tears even before they were visible. Then his arms were around her and she breathed in his scent. Still the same old Severus. The smell of grease and new books greeted her senses.

She couldn't hold herself together, she was ripping apart at the seams and spilling all over him. She hadn't cried this much since the night she'd discovered James injecting himself with that horrible poison. Everything she had been feeling was bubbling inside her, and she felt as if she was going to burst with the burn of it. She could hardly breathe from the crying, and she was practically going numb.

She could feel Severus carrying her out of the classroom. Where to? She had no idea. The corridors were becoming blurs, and she was feeling sicker and sicker the farther they traveled. Before she could even realize what was happening, she was leaning against a shiny porcelain toilet, purging herself of the pain that was in her stomach. And someone was, thankfully, holding her hair back.

Once she could hardly hold herself up anymore from lack of energy, she felt a pair of strong arms lifting her. Soon she was lying on a very soft surface, and the only thing she could imagine doing was sleeping. And before she could comprehend it, she'd fallen asleep.


	7. Suspicious Glances

**A/N: okay. This chapter is super super short. And I apologize for that. I'm actually going to post one more after this one. So Joy. Review please!**

"…Lily?" a voice whispered in the darkness. "Lily? Are you alright?" Lily opened her eyes to Marlene and Alice, her two dorm mates.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, sitting up in her bed. "What time is it?" She tilted her head slightly to the side. Marlene glanced at the watch around her wrist.

"Umm… A little after 7." Lily rubbed her eyes, and then ran both hands through her hair, letting out a breath. Alice watched her for a moment.

"We were worried when we didn't see you down at dinner." Alice sat down on her bed.

"Are you sure you're alright?" There was something in the look that Alice gave her, that made Lily scared.

"Yes. Of course I'm fine…Why wouldn't I be?" They couldn't possibly have known about what happened earlier with Severus, and she saw no need to tell them and worry them… more than they apparently already were. Alice bit her lip.

"Well, it's just… Lately, you haven't been acting like you. Ever since that whole thing with James…" Alice stopped short, waiting for Lily's reaction to hearing his name.

"I'm fine Alice. Really," she said, trying to hold back the emotion she was feeling; to keep it from showing in her face. "I was just really tired after potions, so I came up here to have a little nap." Alice nodded, but then exchanged a look with Marlene that made Lily angry

"What!?" she said, looking between the both of them. Marlene sat down on the opposite side of Lily.

"Lily, honey," she said, stroking Lily's hair. Lily was starting to feel uneasy.

"What? What?" she said, looking between the pair of them.

"Well, honey…" Alice started, but then looked at Marlene. Marlene bit her lip and finished with, "We're just all really worried about _you,_ that's all." Lily narrowed her eyes.

"That's all? You swear it?" Alice and Marlene nodded at the same time.

"Yes. That's all, Lily." Alice added. Lily sighed, she knew she wasn't going to get anything out of them right now. But she knew she would eventually, they could never keep much from her for very long.

"What time did you say it was Marlene?" Marlene checked her wrist again

"It's about 7:20," she said, getting up from the bed and walking over to her own. Lily nodded and then leaned back against her pillows. She watched Marlene over by her own bed, putting on a cloak.

"Where are you off to?" Lily asked her offhandedly. Marlene turned to her, a huge grin on her face.

"Remus and I are going to walk the grounds together."

Alice laughed, and then cooed, "Ooooh! Marly's got a date with a marauder!" Marauder. _Marauder_. Sirius! Lily shot out of bed and pulled on her knit cap and cloak.

"Lily? Where are you going?" Alice asked, concern etched in her voice and face.

"I've got to meet Sirius! I completely forgot! I'll see you guys later," she said as she dashed quickly out of the dorm and down the stairs.


	8. Blame, Fault and Love

**A/N: Okay. This chapter really breaks my heart. And No, I am not A Sirius/Lily shipper. But I love them having an amazing friendship. I feel like Sirius would have been her best friend as well as James'. She was such a sweet girl and all. Anyway…this is and will remain a James/Lily fic. Don't get scared. . Again. Reviews are nice.**

Lily dashed out onto the Quidditch field as fast as she could, hoping Sirius hadn't thought she was still mad and standing him up. But once she got out on to the field, Sirius was visible flying in, out, and around the golden hoops. She pulled her hat further down on her head; it was cold enough that she could see her breath. Sirius was just like James, flying could rid their minds of anything.

"Sirius!" she called, raising her arms above her head. Sirius spotted her quickly and soared down to the ground, carefully getting off his broom and walking over to her.

"Hey," he said softly. "I thought you stood me up." Lily shook her head, rubbing her hands together for warmth.

"No. I fell asleep. I'm sorry," She looked up at him. There were so many unsaid things between the pair of them – it was almost like an invisible fortress around them.

"Lily…Listen," he said, taking a couple steps toward her. "I never meant to hurt you. I love you like you were my very own sister. I love you MORE than if you were my sister. You were, and always have been, more than my best friend's girlfriend. You've been one of _my_ best friends. It would kill me to lose you, Lily. It kills me to know I caused you some of that pain in your eyes right now."

Lily averted her eyes from his and stared at the grass. Frost lay across the whole of it, and it looked as if someone had taken a paintbrush across the whole of the pitch and painted it white.

"Lily," he started again, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should never have told you I had it under control, because I didn't. I'm sorry." Lily looked up at him, willing herself not to cry. She was stronger than this. Much stronger than this.

"Thank you, Sirius. You know that I love you. I love you….so much. And I love Remus and Peter…and…" she swallowed hard; the lump in her throat that caused tears was starting to grow. She closed her eyes. "I forgive you. I do. It isn't your fault, and it never was. I just needed someone to blame." She opened her eyes again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Sirius shook his head

"You, Ms. Evans, have absolutely nothing to apologize for."

He pulled her into a hug, and she released herself into another boy's arms for the second time that day. He kissed the top of her head, and then pulled away.

"Can we catch up, Lil? I've missed you so much!" Lily smiled and nodded. He led her over to the stands, and sat down next to her. He looked at her and then sighed deeply.

"How are you?" Lily looked at him; she knew that he wanted nothing more or less than the deepest conflicts of her heart. She hadn't felt that she could completely unload on anybody lately. But now that she had Sirius back…

"Honestly? I feel like my world is crashing down, Sirius. I love him. I love him so much it hurts, Sirius, and it's killing me. But it hurt… It hurt so bad that he would lie to me, and not even want me to help." She was crying at this point, and she hated herself for it. She violently wiped her tears as she continued, "I can't help thinking it was me, you know? I mean, I do ask an awful lot from him. I asked him to change for me. I asked him to be Mr. Freaking Poster-Board-For-All-That-Is-Good." She shook her head, and it looked as if she couldn't go on, but then, "I can't stand the look on his face Sirius. I can't… I can't stand it. It's like…all the joy and happiness in the world is gone." She bit her lip. "I know I caused that, Sirius. Do you have any idea what that's like?." She closed her eyes to try and calm the tears that were now flowing ever so freely.

"Sirius…he can't even look at me." She said, wiping the last of the tears off of her face. "We can't be together right now, and I've accepted that…but couldn't we be friends? I don't want him taken from my life completely." Sirius watched her for a few minutes, and then breathed a sigh.

"Lily…He loves you, too. He loves you so much, Lily. You couldn't possibly imagine how much. He wants to change for you. He really does. He's trying, Lil, he's trying really hard..." He took her hand and continued, "He was lost. He was really lost. I showed him the drugs, Lil. It was me. And he took to it because… Well, because I told him to. At the time, I thought it was the solution to all problems. Of course, I know now that it's not. It was never to hurt you. You must know that." He couldn't comprehend the fact that she was blaming herself for all this, as far as he was concerned, this whole thing was HIS fault.

"It was never about you," he continued. "If anything, you _delayed_ him from getting too far into it. Lil…This _isn't_ your fault."

And somehow, coming from Sirius, it was much more reassuring then if it had come from Marlene or Alice. She smiled.

"Thank you." He smirked.

"No problem. Just stating the facts…" Lily sighed, and leaned back in her seat. Sirius looked out into the pitch, staring for a bit before turning back to her. "What about…the…uh…" he looked at her stomach, "thing?" he finished. Lily smiled at the juvenile way Sirius had referred to her pregnancy scare.

"I'm not sure. We'll just have to wait and see, I suppose. I'll tell him eventually…I just don't think he could handle it right now," she said softly. Sirius let out a sigh of frustration.

"You shouldn't have to do this alone." He frowned. Lily nodded

"I'm not alone. I have you." She took his and squeezed. He tilted his head to the side slightly. "Oh Lily…" he let out.

She gave him a soft smile and changed the subject as quick as she could. "And besides all that other stuff, everything's fine. Well…except Marlene and Alice were being really weird. They came into the dormitory all worried, asking if I was alright – and then wouldn't tell me why they thought I wasn't." She frowned, and then even more deeply when Sirius gave her a look of dread.

"They didn't tell you?" he raised a brow. She shook her head slowly.

"Tell me what?" Sirius sighed.

"James is a little…" he stopped, he didn't know how to say this without making it 10 times worse for her.

"James is a little _what_, Sirius? What?" Her face had turned a shocking shade of white.

"He's a bit…suicidal," he spit out, watching her for a reaction.

"Why?" she said not breaking emotion. Sirius let out a huge breath.

"Because. You won't speak to him, and it kills him knowing he doesn't have you anymore." Lily's voice caught in her throat.

"That's crazy," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Sirius shrugged.

"He won't do it. He's just threatening. He wants you to take him back. I think they have him up in the hospital wing now? He can't be trusted alone, you know…" Lily looked out at the pitch.

"I have to fix this," she let out. Sirius put an arm around her

"I'll help you. For real this time." She leaned her head against his shoulder

"I love him Sirius." Sirius rubbed her shoulder.

"I know Lily, I know."


	9. I Hope You're Happy

**A/N: **

**Yay! New chapter. I had fun writing this one. Lily and James confrontation guys. Woot. Enjoy. And Review.**

Lily had been pacing the outside of the hospital wing for more than a half an hour. She couldn't pluck up the courage to go in, but she couldn't go back without talking to him…so she was pretty much stuck. She glanced up at the door, trying to peer in through the little window to see him, but it was too dark to see anything and the window was far too small. She leaned against the wall, trying to will herself to go in. 

"Come on, Lily," she muttered to herself. "Just go in there. And do what you need to do. What's the worst that could happen?" Lily sighed, and began pacing again. "He could tell you that he never wants to see your hypocritical face again," she answered her own question. 

"Damn it!" she said aloud, closing her eyes and leaning against the wall again. "Stupid. Stupid. Stupid," she said, banging her head against the wall. Why couldn't she do this? 

"Well, yeah. You're hitting your head against the wall…that's going to hurt later." The voice sent shockwaves down her spine. She opened her eyes and there he stood. Perfect as ever, his hair flying every which way, those perfect blue eyes, and that tall frame. 

"James," was all she could manage to get out. 

"Last time I checked…yeah." He was playing a game with her. He didn't want her to know how truly hurt and messed up he actually was, so he tried his witty banter. But she could see right through all that, right through to the scared broken little boy inside. 

"Um…how are you?" She bit her lip. Just standing there, a clear 2 feet away from him, was causing her breathing problems. 

"Let's just cut to the chase, shall we?" he asked, taking a couple steps toward her. She prayed he didn't come any nearer, because her lungs might just stop working all together. 

"You haven't talked to me in a little over 3 months, Lily. What do you want? You want to know how I'm doing?" He took another step toward her. "I can't think about anything but you. I close my eyes, your face swims before my eyelids. You weave in and out of my dreams. I can't walk through the hall without one of your friends giving me a death glare, or some stupid girl coming up to me asking if I needed some support!" He was close enough now to her face to actually give her a kiss, but he didn't and she wished he would. 

"I am nothing without you. I molded myself to become the man you wanted me to be. And I don't know how to be that without you. You walk through these halls as if nothing happened, there's still that bouncing light in your eyes, you're still perfect. Me? I'm a train wreck, Lily Evans." He placed one hand on the wall to hold her in place, but she wasn't thinking about leaving. 

"I swore I'd change for you, and I'm trying. But you don't even look at me Lily, not once in the past 3 months have you looked at me. I'd change the world to be with you Lily." He leaned in so that he was literally centimeters away from her lips 

"Answer me this…are you happy?" His breath against her lips made her tremble. She looked up into his blue eyes that were now a frosty grey from anger. 

"What do you want me to do, James?" she let out softly. 

"Answer the question." His voice was breaking, and he turned his head so that she wouldn't see the tears now slowly streaming down his face. Lily closed her eyes. She couldn't handle this. She really couldn't. 

"Why…?" she breathed. James turned back to face her 

"Because…If I knew you were happy, then none of this would matter. I'd be able to handle losing you. As long as you were happy." Lily stared up at him, her mouth slightly open; she couldn't believe the words that were spilling from his mouth. 

"You…you just want me to be happy?" James nodded.

"Yeah. That's all I've ever wanted." She bit her lip, trying unbelievably hard to stay calm. 

"I…I don't know what to say-" but she was cut off by his lips on hers. She couldn't do anything, not that she wanted to, but her entire body had been taken over by the simple act of his lips, touching hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as he lifted her up she locked her legs around his hips. 

The only thing that was registering in her mind was his lips on hers, his hands on her back, in her hair, on her face. She wanted to keep being touched like this by him forever. His smell, his feel, his skin, his hair, she was completely lost in it, completely lost in him. Then suddenly, the feeling stopped. His lips were no longing sending electric shocks through her. She opened her eyes slowly, her breath seemed to have caught in her throat and she'd forgotten how to do the simple act of breathing in and out. He moved his hands to her face, and then he pushed some of her hair away from her face. 

"I hope you're happy, Lily Evans…" and then his warm hands were off of her face and her hair was in exactly the place where he'd left it. She watched him walk down the hall, no spring in his step. No sadness either, just a nice steady walk down the hall. 

She leaned against the wall, trying to gather herself. The room was spinning; she couldn't believe what had just happened. 'I hope you're happy, Lily Evans…' those six words were reverberating around in her brain. 'I hope you're happy, Lily Evans.' She closed her eyes. Happy. What did that even mean? 

She started making her way back towards the Gryffindor common room, trying to keep her mind on anything but the situation at hand. But as she climbed through the portrait hall, the words 'I hope you're happy, Lily Evans.' began to plague her mind once again.


	10. Inappropriate

**A/N: I'm posting a second chapter along with this one, because this one is really short, and I have the other one done so. Enjoy. And reviews are so very nice. Thank you to everyone who has done so.**

Lily sat in the common room staring at the fire. She didn't know what to think or feel. The kiss had been something of pure perfection, but if she'd been able to control herself it would never have happened. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. She missed him with all her heart, she missed his voice and his laugh, she missed the way he would wrinkle his nose when he was confused and the way he would ruffle his hair on habit. He was an arrogant little prick…but she loved him. She loved him more than she'd ever loved anything in her whole life. He consumed her, all of her, and now…she wasn't sure if she could stay away from him. She knew now why she'd chosen not to speak with him for 3 months; it reduced the urge to kiss him.

She let out a grunt and rested her head in her hands. 

"I'm guessing it didn't go as well as you hoped." Sirius' voice said. Lily looked up at him as he plopped down in the seat next to hers.

"No. It didn't." She said softly looking away from him and back at the fire. Sirius watched her for a moment and then leaned back in his chair. 

"Lay it on me kid. What happened?" He said taking a cigarette out of his pocket and lighting it quickly. She looked up at him as he took a drag and then blew it out slowly. 

"He kissed me." She said softly, waiting for his reaction. He raised a brow, 

"Did he now? Weird." Now it was time for Lily's brow to be raised

"Weird? _Weird?_ Try completely irresponsible and…rude! And…inappropriate." Sirius took another drag of his cigarette seeming to be at a complete calm. 

"Inappropriate? Lily….of all the things it might've been…I don't think it was inappropriate." Lily frowned, coughing slightly as she inhaled some of the cigarette smoke. 

"What do you mean?" She sniffed, fanning some of the smoke away from her. 

"Lily you guys were together for almost 2 years…I think he has a bit of a right to kiss you whenever he pleases…" Lily stood up; anger was pulsing through her as she stared at the smug face sitting before her. He was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, one second he was the sweet caring Sirius who helped her out of her depressed slump and the next he was this…this arrogant toe rag that made her very angry. 

"So he has a right to kiss me whenever he pleases?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "That is ridiculous Sirius Black. WE BROKE UP." Sirius stood to join her, 

"No. You didn't! You never said. I want to break up. You never said I want to see other people. You never said any of that Lily! You just stopped talking to him! So if James wants to kiss you, I think he bloody well has the option! You gave him hell Lily! And in case you don't remember, I'm the best friend who has to put him back together again at the end of the day since you're off the hook now."

Lily looked at him, utter dislike displaying in her face. "You're a cockroach Sirius Black. A disgusting, stupid, arrogant cockroach." And with that she turned and left the common room. 


	11. Severus Snape

**Severus Snape.**

Lily walked down the hall, steaming with anger. How dare he? How DARE he? She took long, heavy strides, not sure of where she was going. She just knew that she had to get away. Then, before she even knew what was happening, she smashed right into someone. A book flew out of that someone's hand and landed on the floor right next to the exact spot Lily had landed from the impact. She glanced at its cover; tattered and worn, it bore the title 'Dark Arts Smarts'. She looked up and saw Severus sitting exactly opposite her; it seemed he'd fallen, too. 

"I'm sorry…I didn't see you." She said standing up and picking up his book. She held it out to him. "Light reading?" she asked. He stood up too, only slightly slower.

"Sort of. Yeah. Thanks." He took the book from her hands. She stared at him for a moment. He looked uncomfortable, his eyes kept darting everywhere and his feet kept shifting from side to side. 

There was an awkward silence and then Severus said, "So…You're okay?" Lily looked at him, her had slightly cocked to the side out of confusion. 

"Um…yes. Why wouldn't I be?" She said, but it came out much angrier than she had intended it to be originally. Severus' pale face flushed with color, but only for a moment.

"Well…Yeah…last time I saw you…" but before he finished his sentence, Lily remember like a jolt that day after potions. 

"Oh! Yeah. Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry you had to deal with that…really." He shook his head.

"Not at all. It wasn't a problem." He gave her a soft smile, and she returned it. She felt amazingly calm just standing here talking to him, and it reminded her why they used to be such good friends. 

"Well…I better be off then…" Severus said, starting to walk away. Lily stayed in her spot debating something in her head, and then she turned around quickly. 

"Severus…wait!" He turned slowly and raised a brow at her. Lily bit her lip. "I really need someone who's not in love with James Potter to help me with something…" Severus looked confused for a second, and then his expression softened. 

"I'm pretty sure I can help you with whatever it is, then." 

Lily smiled, "Do you have a few hours?" and before Severus could respond yes or no, she was spilling everything that had happened in the past couple of months.

Once she was finished, Severus sighed. 

"He shouldn't have lied to you in the first place. If he loved you at all, he shouldn't have lied." He twirled his wand between his fingers. "He shouldn't have kissed you either. That's just…really…" he paused for a moment, searching for a word, "inappropriate." 

Lily grinned widely, "EXACTLY! But, of course Sirius says it wasn't, because he should be able to kiss me whenever he likes!" Severus shrugged

"Sirius Black is an imbecile." 

Lily giggled, "He is kind of stupid isn't he?" Severus let out a laugh and nodded 

"Yes. Very much so." Lily sighed deeply. 

"It's so silly…but…I love him as if he were my brother. Even though he can be exceedingly arrogant at times." 

By now the pair of them were leaning against the wall, their faces red from giggling and laughing. Lily held her stomach and let out a breath 

"I should get going back upstairs. I have to patrol the corridors tonight, and I wanted to get some studying done first." She stood up slowly. "But thank you." He stood up after her, looking directly into her bright green eyes. 

"You're welcome Lily. You're very welcome." She smiled at him, and before she could help it, her arms were around his neck, and she was hugging him tightly. Then, as quickly as it had started, she pulled away and ran up the stairs back to the common room.


	12. Misunderstandings

**A/N:**

**Another chapter tonight. Woot. Go me. Anyways, I'd like to apologize for the blue eyes mistake? James apparently has hazel eyes. I will at some point go back and change this so that it is accurate, but for now please bare with me? I don't think its mentioned anymore, but if it is, please, please bare with me. Thanks for the reviews! They are so fun and nice and good to read. They keep me going, so keep 'em coming. **

Once Lily was halfway up the stairs, she realized she'd forgotten her cloak. She hurried back down the steps, and spotted her cloak exactly where she'd left it, but no sign of Severus. She grabbed her cloak and hurried back up the stairs. Once she approached the portrait hole, she quickly gave the fat lady the password and climbed through the portrait hole. 

The second she stepped through the portrait hole, all eyes were on her. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter were all sitting on the couch, and their particular stares were accusing. Everyone else just stared at her with mild interest and wonder. Emma Warren whispered into Melinda Drake's ear, then started giggling. Marlene and Alice stepped quickly on either side of Lily 

"Lily, come on. Let's get out of here," they gave her a light push. Lily frowned 

"No…What's going on?" 

Marlene shook her head 

"No. Lily, it doesn't matter. Come on, let's just go upstairs." Lily shook her head 

"No! What's going on? Stop sheltering me!" And then Sirius' voice came from behind her.

"You said you didn't speak to him anymore." 

Lily swiveled around. 

"Excuse me?" she asked, completely confused as to what he was talking about. 

"You said, and I quote, 'He's chosen his path, and I've chosen mine. I don't think we could ever be friends again. I'm not talking to him ever again. Not after what he said.' Lily froze; those were the exact words she had said to Sirius, almost a half a year after the mudblood scene by the lake. Lily took a deep breath.

"He was around…I was upset. We talked...why is that such a big deal?" 

Sirius stood up

"Lily! He thinks of you as scum! Are you aware of what the word mudblood means?" The tension in the room grew larger as Sirius' voice grew louder. "Dirty blood, Lily. That's what it means! It means that he thinks that you are dirty. Filthy. Disgusting. No matter how much he tries to hide it, Lily, that's what he thinks!" Lily's throat was closing in on her, how was she supposed to listen to this? She was trying to keep her shaking down to a minimum, but it was becoming increasingly harder. 

"We were just talking, Sirius…" Sirius shook his head 

"Right. Lily, you know…I really don't know you as well as I thought I did. This is crap, Lily. Total. Crap." He took off towards the boys' dormitory, and she watched with anguish as he went.

Lily stood there, shaking, not able to believe that Sirius was that mad because she was TALKING to Severus. She hadn't meant to hurt anybody. She hadn't meant for any of this. 

"You've stooped to whole new low, Lily Evans." She knew that voice. She knew it well. She closed her eyes, bracing herself to hear what James had to say. "You didn't say anything. Not even when I asked if you were happy. You let me kiss you…and you didn't say one word." 

Now she was very confused. What did her being happy have anything to do with talking to Severus? She opened her eyes and looked at him; pain was etched all over his face. 

"James…" she said taking a couple steps towards him. "What are you talking about?" She reached out a hand to touch his face, but he pulled back quickly 

"Don't touch me." Lily was shocked and hurt.

"James…What did I do? We were just talking!" She was desperate now. Sirius, one of her best friends, was angry at her. And now the love of her life? She couldn't bear this. 

"Lily, someone saw you!" Lily was frustrated now, and hot, frustrated, angry tears were streaming down her face. 

"Saw me WHAT?" She cried, throwing her hands up in the air. James looked away from her face.

"Saw you kiss him, Lily. You kissed him. Right after you kissed me. Lily…how could you?" Lily felt as if all the air had left her body. Kissed him? She hadn't kissed him; she'd given him an innocent hug! 

"I…I didn't…No…" she stuttered, but she couldn't even string a sentence together. 

"Lily…" James shook his head "I walked these halls with you, and I heard them call you mudblood. I heard all those stupid Slytherins call you mudblood, and I wanted to die, Lily. You of all people do not deserve to be called anything but perfect or amazing." He took a deep breath.

"Lily, I held you that night. Do you remember? The night you came in after that day by the lake. You were crying, and I held you. And you said to me…" But he didn't have to finish the sentence, because she knew exactly what she had said. 

"If my blood's so dirty, why do you love me?" She finished emotionlessly, trying her best to keep breathing. 

"Do you remember what I said?" he said, just as emotionlessly. Lily closed her eyes trying her hardest not to flat out cry. 

"Because you're so much more than magic to me."

James nodded slowly 

"I will never forget the look on your face, Lily. He made you think that you were less than perfect. Less than amazing. Now, you tell me something, Lily Evans. Have I ever made you feel anything but amazing?" Lily shook her head slowly. "Then screw you!" he yelled, overturning the chessboard that Remus and Peter had been playing on. "I did nothing wrong. I don't deserve this from you." 

He pushed past her, quickly following Sirius' lead, and went up to the boys' dormitory. Lily stood there, hardly breathing, and watched the chess pieces rolling across the floor. The entire common room was staring at her open-mouthed. And because she couldn't hold it in anymore, she started, full out, noisily, crying. 

She hadn't kissed him, she hadn't. She'd given him a hug. That was it! An innocent hug! She'd talked to him for less then 5 minutes! She'd been upset. Why were they punishing her for something she didn't even do? 

Then a cool arm linked with hers, and a kind voice was saying, "Lily, it's alright. Come on…let's go back up the dormitory. We'll get some sleep, and everything will be alright in the morning." 

She trusted the voice for now, even though deep down inside she knew everything would not be alright in the morning. Not by a long shot.


	13. Losing Grip

Losing Grip

**A/N: Pre-warning. This chapter will make you hate Emma Warren. I was practically seething when I wrote it. But anywho …on with the chapter. **

Lily didn't sleep. Not even for a second. If she wasn't crying, she was contemplating how to make things better, which just made her head hurt. Marlene and Alice had long since gone to bed, as she lay awake in her four-poster. 

How was she supposed to fix this? She was being punished for talking to someone. She hadn't kissed him, and even if she HAD, what did it matter? She was single, as far as she was concerned, and she was allowed to talk to whomever she pleased. 

Severus was not all bad. He made mistakes, yes, but she wasn't going to shun him for the rest of her life. And it was true she would never forgive him for what he said in 5th year…but why hate him? Hate was so unnecessary and pointless. She had hate for no one. 

A soft knock was heard at the door, and Lily checked her watch. It was 3 AM. Who would be knocking now? She slipped out of bed and quietly opened the door. 

"Hi Lily…" A very worn-looking Emma Warren stood in the doorway in her pajamas. The fact that Emma Warren was standing there speaking to Lily was a strange occurrence in and of itself, but at 3 in the morning? There was definitely something up. 

"Hi Emma." Lily tilted her head to the side slightly "Um, what's up?" Emma looked very nervous, and Lily couldn't fathom why. 

"Well, I saw what happened earlier – downstairs – and…I just wanted to know how you were doing." Lily stared at her complete and utter shock displayed in her face. 

"Um, that was very…sweet of you. I'm fine. Thanks for asking." 

Emma shuffled her feet. "Oh yeah? Well, that's really good….really really good…" Lily frowned.

"What do you need, Emma?" Emma lifted her eyes from her feet to Lily's face 

"Are you and James, err, completely…over and done with?" Lily froze; she truly didn't have an answer to give. 

"Um, I…" but Emma did not wait for Lily's answer 

"It's just…See, I really like him. And I asked him, and he said that he was completely, in no way attached to anyone, and that he'd take me into Hogsmeade next weekend. But I just wouldn't feel right about it if I didn't ask you….So here I am."

Lily's breath seemed to disappear, and she felt as if the entire castle was spinning like a top. Completely, in no way attached to anyone? How could he say something like that? Lily looked at Emma, fully taking her in. Her blonde hair was very straight and very pretty, she had hazel eyes and she was about an inch shorter than Lily. Lily bit her lip 

"Are you asking me if it's alright if you date James?" Emma blushed, and then nodded. Lily shook her head. "It doesn't matter what I think. Go for it." and before Emma could say another word, Lily was closing the door on her. 

Lily was trying her hardest to stay calm. She walked over to the window, staring out at the inky black sky. She dreaded tomorrow. She dreaded classes. She dreaded seeing James and Sirius, and God forbid Severus, who had no idea any of this was even going on. And Emma, hanging off James' arm like some little backstabbing puppy. 

How had things gotten this bad? How had they gone so wrong? It was like a movie of her life was playing, and all she could do was watch and let things happen. She had no control over any of it. 

She made her way back over to her bed, crawling underneath the blankets. She pulled the blankets as high as they would go without covering her head. She glanced at her watch. 3:45. She closed her eyes, praying for sleep. And after a few restless tosses and turns, sleep came.


	14. Seven Days Without You

Seven days without you

**A/N: Hey! I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner, but here it is…a new chapter. Whoo hoo! And look out for my one-shot songfic. It's coming very soon. It's called All Around Me and features the song, of the same name by flyleaf. Please do that review thing you guys do so well. Please and thank you!!**

Seven days. Seven days of glares. Seven days of shoves in the corridors. Seven days of not talking to Sirius. Seven days of not speaking to James. Seven days of whispers. Seven days of watching Emma Warren prance around, wearing James' quidditch jacket, and coming out of the boys' dormitory every other night with a stupid grin on her face. Seven days of sitting in the girls' dormitory by herself, because down in the common room it was almost impossible to concentrate with all the staring and whispering.

On this particular Sunday evening, Lily sat on her bed with a million books and papers spread out around her. She was studying for N.E.W.Ts…much like she had been all week. She could hear the quidditch game through her window. Gryffindor must have been doing pretty well; every now and then she'd hear a bit of the commentary, and most of it was in Gryffindor's favor. She tried to block out the commentary – the name 'Potter' came up far too often, and it made her wince.

Soon the cheering and whooping and yelling was moved from outside into the common room. Lily grinned to herself; so they had won after all. Lovely. Marlene and Alice came stumbling into the dorm, fully decked-out in their Gryffindor hats and scarves.

"Oh hey, Lily!" Marlene exclaimed, looking over at her "You should've come! It was amazing! Frank totally dominated as keeper and James did some more than amazing swerves and dives for the quaffle, it was the most amazing thing I ever—" but she stopped talking when she saw the look on Lily's face.

"Oh, Lily…I'm sorry. It just slipped out. I…"

Lily shook her head quickly. "It's fine Marlene. Really…" She turned away from her though, which made Marlene think Lily was somewhat mad at her, although she couldn't blame her. "So let me guess. We won, and now there's a party?"

Alice nodded, taking off her scarf and throwing it on her bed. "Yeah! You should totally come, Lily! Frank and I would love for you to hang out with us." Alice smiled, but Lily couldn't imagine intruding on Frank and Alice.

"No, I don't think I will…" she muttered, looking back to her books.

"Oh yeah! Lily, please come! Remus would be happy—" she stopped again. "I mean…I'd be really happy if you came."

Lily shook her head again "I really don't think it'd be appropriate."

Alice came up behind her and said in a sing song voice, "Sirius snagged some firewhiskey!"

Lily bit her lip and looked back at her. "Tempting. Really. But…"

Alice frowned, "Lily! You have to do this eventually. You can't just hide out in here forever. You'll have to face everyone some time. What better way then with your two best friends, at a really amazing party where you're going to have tons of fun? " Lily closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Firewhiskey and friends, or staying up here and studying until her eyelids were too heavy to keep open? She looked back up at Alice.

"Okay. I'll go." But the moment the words left her lips, she knew that she'd regret it.

The common room was full of people, and beautifully decorated with the color scheme – of course – being red and gold. There were fireworks that would go off every so often, shooting sparks of red and gold into the air. Lily stayed off to one side, taking slow sips of her firewhiskey. The amber liquid burned her throat, but it was the only thing keeping her sane amidst the glares and the whispers.

Alice and Frank were dancing in the middle of the room and Alice's drunken giggle could be heard very distinctly over all the other noise. Marlene and Remus were off to a corner, whispering intensely to each other. Lily frowned in their direction. Leave it to Remus and Marly to be the only two people not having any fun. They were probably in a heated conversation about homework. Lily swayed to the music, feeling sufficiently awkward, as if she shouldn't be there. Then her own personal glimmer of light, Ian Rookwell, walked over to her with a bright smile plastered on his face.

Lily let out a sigh of relief. At least there was one person who didn't hate her. Ian Rookwell was _that _guy. The good-looking-but-not-gorgeous, funny-but-not-hilarious guy. The guy that was a total rebound…and knew it. But he'd had a crush on Lily ever since 2nd year, and he was awfully sweet, albeit a bit annoying at times. But now she was glad of some company that didn't want to coddle her or yell at her…company that just wanted to be with her.

"Hi Lily!" He called out, coming up to her with a big wave. "The quidditch game was good, wasn't it?"

Lily shrugged, "I wouldn't know. I wasn't there."

Ian's eyes widened. "Oh, Lily, It was amazing! So, it started out with Slytherins in the lead, but then Longbottom did this amazing…" she zoned out quickly. Ian talked for about a half hour about the quidditch game, but she wasn't paying attention to one word. The firewhiskey had started to make her brain feel a little fuzzy, and she was certainly not all that interested in quidditch to begin with.

"Lily?" Ian's voice broke through the fuzziness.

"Hmm?" She mumbled, looking up at him and swirling the little bit of liquid that was left in her bottle.

"You weren't listening to a word I said, were you?" Ian asked, looking a little disappointed.

Lily frowned. "No. I'm sorry Ian. My mind's just…in another place. I'm sorry." She felt as if the entire world was going out of focus.

Ian nodded. "That's fine. I can just sit with you and keep you company. Or you could talk, and I'll listen. Or, um, whatever…" he looked nervously at the ground.

Lily smiled, "Ian, you're so sweet." She leaned in to kiss his cheek. Ian looked at her, a bright red blush creeping into his cheeks. "Not as sweet as you Lily. You're the most amazing girl. And for the record: I know you didn't do anything with Severus…I believe you." Lily felt as if a little bit of the weight she'd been carrying on her heart all week had been lifted.

"You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear you say that."

Ian smiled. "Lily, I'm always here for you…I-" but before he could even finish his sentence, Lily's lips were crushed against his and he wasn't objecting.

After a minute or two, Ian pulled away. "Lily… Lily," he managed breathlessly, "I can't take advantage of you. You're drunk.," he said, holding her face in his hands. "Tell me you want this. I can't do this if you don't…"

Lily closed her eyes for a moment, then nodded vigorously. "I want this," she said, but uncertainty coated her voice. Ian squeezed her hand and looked at her, trying to figure out what exactly was going on in her head.

Lily felt a hand on her shoulder and she turned around quickly. "Remus!" she said excitedly, the sandy-haired boy stood just above her and the sight of him gave her joy. "Remus, I love you!" she said jumping up and throwing her arms around the boy's neck.

Remus patted her back quickly. "Hello, Lily." He stole a glance at Ian. "Do you mind if I steal her from you for a moment or two?"

Ian looked scared for a moment and then shook his head, "No…go right ahead." Remus led Lily away in two quick strides. He stared at her for a few moments, not sure how to phrase anything that he wanted to say.

Lily felt uncomfortable, one because he was looking at her as if she'd done something wrong, and two the liquor was starting to catch up with her. "What?" she said, looking up at him with big eyes.

Remus sighed. "You're drunk." He gave her a disappointed look, and Lily couldn't help but feel like a child being scolded.

"I'm not!" she cried indignantly. "I'm just…a little bit-" a pause, "-tipsy," she finished, flashing him a big smile. Remus sighed, then put his hands on her shoulders.

"Lily, listen to me," he said, trying to make eye contact with her. "Please do yourself some justice, and don't do anything you're going to wake up tomorrow regretting. This school does not forgive and forget. You haven't been treated like you should have this past week, and I couldn't bear to watch you do something to make it even worse." He glanced over his shoulder at Sirius and James, who were too busy impressing a group of pretty 4th years to pay attention to where their bookish friend ran off too. He took her hands in his and squeezed.

"Whatever it is you want to do…Whatever is you're feeling right now, think of how you would feel if that guy over there-" he looked pointedly at James, "-did the same thing to you."

Lily pulled away from him as if she'd been singed by fire. "I've spent seven days being ridiculed by 'that guy over there's friends. Seven days of being called a slut for something I didn't even do! Seven days of not talking to my best friend! Seven days of hiding out alone in my dormitory, because God forbid, if I come into the common room, I might get things thrown at me!" Her eyes were beginning to fill with tears, but she didn't much care.

"Remus, Ian is the only person in the entire world who's looked at me like I was me in the past seven days. Like I was just…Lily. Please don't take that away from me." She sniffed, wiping at her eyes and nose. Remus couldn't think of anything to say that didn't sound insensitive.

"He loves you," he said softly, clearly not talking about Ian. "Some nights he stays up crying…and when he does fall asleep, he calls out your name."

Lily bit her lip, and her face hardened. "Did he sleep with Emma Warren?" Remus let out a long sigh; this battle was never going to end. He nodded his head, yes; he wasn't one to lie.

Lily shook her head. "Then maybe he deserves a little pain." With those words, she made her way back over to Ian, whispering something in his ear before they disappeared up the stairs.


End file.
